I started this post about a month ago. Originally it was going to be about finding confidence, getting shit done, and all that jazz but I just couldn’t get the momentum to keep writing. Maybe I’ve been reading too much Bukowski but my mind subtly shifted into a saturated state of non-fictional daydreams and embracing the condition of not giving a fuck.
The subject of fully understanding what not giving a fuck has been on my mind, diligently. I’m not entirely sure when or how it all started but I assume it was when I decided to put confidence first on my list of shit to work on. So far it’s been going pretty fucking well. Days are going by better than before and the endless thoughts of solid stress and overthinking have become finite. Slowly but surely, I’m becoming aware of all the excess baggage that comes along with giving one too many fucks to nothing in particular.
There a two kind of people in life: those who don’t give a fuck and those who pretend really, really hard to not give a fuck. The second ones are the worst. Sadly, most of us probably spend more time with this condition then we have with our longest relationship. I sure as hell know I have.
I’m no fuckless giving expert but I believe a lot of the time people don’t actually understand what not giving a fuck means.
Personally, I didn’t quite understand the concept nor the the complicated essence of it all. At least not sufficiently to finally reach the wonderful epitome that comes when you distribute and manage your fucks, efficiently.
From one incomprehensible soul to the next, let me teach you a few things about sparingly distributing your fucks.
Understanding the essence of not giving a fuck
First, you need to understand that giving no fucks does not mean that you don’t care about anything at all. Giving zero fucks is a misinterpretation. It is a lie. If you had nothing to care about at all than you’d have no ambition to succeed, no motive to pursue the things you love. To let go of all the unnecessary fucks you’re giving, you need to handpick the things important enough that will impact your life for the better. Dedicate your fuckery over to them.
Remember how I mentioned all those terrible assholes who try really hard to not give a fuck? Well, fuck them (yourself included). The best advice I was ever given was to surround myself with successful, ambitious human beings and to cut out all the toxic people in your life. Hanging out with people who have mastered the art of prolific fuckery is contagious and so is hanging out with all the assholes who’ve convinced you to let go of all ambition. Do yourself a favor and limit the fucks you give about those assholes to none at all.
The purpose of not giving a fuck is to drift out of the whirlwind of endless fuckery; to stop feeling either too offended, too sorry, or too inadequate after all the shiftiness life has to throw at you. Essentially, you want to put all your fucking ducks (the ducks that bring you unadulterated happiness, confidence, and/or success) in a row and let all the shitty ones fly away.
Rule out all the unimportant fucks you’re giving
You should feel comfortable with giving up the unimportant things that make your mind spiral out of control. Who the fuck cares if someone’s Facebook status makes you cringe or the little girl won’t stop screaming because she got a blue lollipop instead of a red one? Let it the fuck go.
Take the time to truly think about all the unimportant fucks you’re giving and let them go. Your days are probably a little shittier than they should be. Chances are, your life is being consumed by all the minuscule, overwhelming, unimportant fucks you’re giving.
I started a blog. Yes, it was hard. It still is. If I had given too many fucks (which I did at the time) about what people thought about it I would have probably never started it but I did it anyway. I still hate talking about myself or even sharing with people I know that I blog.
How did I go around it? I write about all the things I truly give a fuck about and most importantly, I limited my vigilance from the superficial opinions of others to seeing how far I could push myself literarily, occasionally fucking up, and owning up to every published post. Even if it makes me cringe a little, I keep all those published posts for all to read.
Don’t feel bad for all the fucks you’re not giving
You know the feeling you get when you drink too much and sort of hate yourself for it the next day? This can be replaced with any given situation: giving too many fucks about saying something stupid in public, lying your way out of confrontations, or talking yourself out of something you’d never in a million years do (even if you know will be incredibly exciting).
I was drinking wine with 3 of my closest friends while we talked about pursuing every glimpse of happiness and somehow convincing them to start their own apocalyst. An apocalyst is a list of things you’d never thought you’d do but the world is ending in a few months and deep down you know you need to do them. They can be anything from doing something you’ve always dreamed of doing or things you’d never dream of doing. Like bungee jumping, singing in public, or tap dancing. Except for riding the tower of terror, fuck that shit.
One of the things that came up was confrontation and avoiding it. About a year ago I stopped avoiding confrontation and bending the truth. Sure, the feeling of confrontations sucks and the anxiety of having to tell the truth is shitty but saying fuck it to pleasing others or sparing their feelings from getting hurt is life changing. Fuck their feelings. Life’s a fucking bitch and they need to learn to stop giving a fuck too.
Learning to strategically give no fucks while appointing your energy to the most impactful ones is a gateway to a life well lived. Efficiently giving no fucks in life is similar to gaining wisdom; it comes with time, experience, and knowledge. You’ll eventually find your way there. There is a fine line between giving one too many fucks and none at all. Now, find that line and start tap dancing all over those useless fuckers.